I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
