Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
