And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
