Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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