I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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