If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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