we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
