my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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