I don't think brook has ever known best
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
