I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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