But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
