god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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