You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
