omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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