Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize