You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
