Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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