shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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