Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
