She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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