I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
