So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
