Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
