Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
