where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
