i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
