Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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