i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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