Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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