my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
