Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
