Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize