Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
