So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
