it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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