You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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