I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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