i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
