turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize