Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize