If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
