I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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