shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
