I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The feeling are messing with the penis
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
