he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
