just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
