I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
