I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
