he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
