How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
