i wish my penis had a tongue
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
