My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
