It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
