I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize