i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
