Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
