broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
