I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanna passion pit in your ass
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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