He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize