I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
