I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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