just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
