I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
