Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize