How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i came on her dog
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
