Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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