You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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