Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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