is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
