apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize