stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
