You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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