where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
