I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
