I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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