I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
