I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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