I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
