He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
