In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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