I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
