You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
