Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
