I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize