in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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