So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
