i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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