Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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