for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize