I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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