Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
