Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
