I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
