lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
