I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
