Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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