My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
