did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
