is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
