you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
