why didn't you poke me back
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
