so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
