Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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