i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
