White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
