Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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